Letting a bully be

Welcome to my latest masterclass in cowardice. This one’s called: going public without actually going public. Unfortunately I speak from no authority whatsoever other than personal experience, so there won’t be any graduation or award ceremony to look forward to at the end of this piece.

Life is unfair and sometimes a bully wins. Sort of. I hate admitting that, but I love life and this is just an unpleasant speck on my rose-tinted glasses that I am having to wipe off. (It will be yours to guess whether I’m wiping it with a fancy wet wipe or a mere tissue and a bit of my spit.)

I would be lying if I told you that I never took even the slightest hint of enjoyment out of exposing online BS’ers and other charlatans. I don’t regret pointing out BS as and when I’ve seen it, and I will probably do it again. But on this particular occasion, I’ll leave the exposing to others, because I cannot afford to take the risk on this particular BS’er blighting my life recently.

Like most of you, I have to work harder and harder every day to make ends meet, and I can’t afford anything or anyone jeopardising my livelihood, even if it is with seemingly hollow threats and baseless accusations. A bully may renege on his claims that he’s a lawyer, police and interest groups may throw out his complaints, but that doesn’t stop his ability to bully. I still have bills to pay and therefore no time spare to spend on said bully’s dented ego nor can I afford any attempts of his to influence my life, work and reputation.

My big mouth tries to mask the coward that I really am. I’ve never claimed otherwise. Thankfully others are braver than me, and they will undoubtedly take this BS’er down; I just don’t fancy ending up as collateral damage in that process. I am keeping hold of all the manipulative and insinuating messages sent to me away from public view and, for now at least, I won’t make them public until or unless I have no other choice but to or if I have nothing to lose anymore.

Feel free to disagree with me, or to call me a daft cow or whatever for this, I can handle that, and rest assured that merely disagreeing with me or even calling me names won’t result me in labelling you a sexist or misogynist or even crying ‘hate crime!’ just because you said it to or about me and I happen to be a woman.

Thick skin. Water off a duck’s back. Now those are claims to make about yourself that don’t require paper credentials. (As for everything else, people whose credentials are public and checkable may appear more credible than people who anxiously hide theirs and/or have been proven to have misrepresented themselves… just an observation.)

My final thought: try honesty. It may not make heaps of money but it is generally speaking a more sustainable way of life, albeit a tough one where you work all hours to make ends meet. The vast majority of people live it and it works for them. Please respect that, always.

Please stop defecating on people’s names just because you don’t like what they say or do. Please don’t lunge attacks at people for pointing out your own misrepresentations.

Just because some (myself included) can’t afford to hit back at you, doesn’t make it alright to hit out at them in the first place, especially when you are the one acting with deliberate dishonesty and disingenuousness to begin with.

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5 Comments

  1. Kudo’s.
    A bully takes pride and gratification, in seeing his, or hers, bullying hit home. An expensive lesson I learned. Letting the bullies that are too dangerous to hit back at, be is the wisest option. It might be, because their bullying apparently has no effect, that the bullying intensifies. But that will soon be over, as long as it doesn’t affect you, or seems not to affect you. That is, as we say in Dutch, the sour apple you need to get through.
    You’re not a coward, you are a sensible person. Don’t mistake your attitude for cowardice, no need to demean yourself.
    Hugs.

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    • The moment I hit *publish* on that post, its load fell off my shoulder… the uncomfortable feeling I had prior to posting has gone. So whatever it is, cowardice or something else, it no longer feels as if that’s my problem anymore, anyway. Didn’t see that one coming but it sure is nice!

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  2. I know how you feel. Did you read my blog about my experience at the hands of online stalker/bullies?

    http://andreaurbanfox.wordpress.com/2011/11/15/stop-cyberbullying-week-message-to-my-stalker/

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