Final goodbye

From: Jo
Sent: 08 November 2011 21:09
To: [ex-husband]
Subject: Final goodbye

Dear [ex-husband],

I didn’t see your emails until today, after I got home from the hospital. My body is still in a mess, but I don’t want to postpone this message.

So I got your panicky call last week, then nothing. Then those repeat and wicked phone calls from your wife – she never told me her name – after I’d just been brought back to the hospital ward from the operating theatre (and just before I passed out from sudden blood loss, by the way). I was worried about your wellbeing but too weak to do anything until in the evening when I was recovered well enough to phone your mum to check if you were alright and she confirmed that you were. That’s what friends do, right?

Still, I am completely bemused at all these lies. I thought you knew me well enough to know that I would have granted you the divorce if you had honestly told me that you wanted it because you had met someone else. There was no need for you to commit perjury on your petition for divorce, unless it was to perpetuate your lie(s) to her that you’d already well and truly split up from me when in fact we hadn’t (yet). (And of course, in the meantime, you got to continue to take everything you could from me until there was nothing left.)

All the secrecy, lies, game-playing… I don’t want any part of it. EVER.

Your wife’s immature phone calls to me, ignoring I was ill in hospital, suggests she’s about as mature as you. As in: rather immature. (She may really be a very nice and lovely person, but I can only go by first impressions and those weren’t pretty.)

If the two of you have marital problems, they’re not mine and I certainly do not want to be dragged into them.

If she gets violent with you to the point where you need hospital treatment… not a great example to your daughters nor to any children you may be having with her, but again… not my problem and I do not want to be dragged into them.

Had I known about you being in a new relationship – having remarried even – and that being friends with you was to be a threat to your relationship, I would have backed off. Please now don’t create issues for me by asking me to cover your back and lie for you. Allow me to move on with my life as much as you have done.

I guess I will never understand why you felt the need to keep so many secrets and tell so many lies, as far as I’m concerned I would rather have had the truth, however much uglier that might have been. (If other people in your life couldn’t/can’t, that’s their problem.) Right now I am so (way beyond) shocked and disappointed at your web of lies, I really don’t know what to think of you, really. I wondered why our mutual friends suddenly backed off from me but I guess now I understand… they had all become part of the “don’t tell Jo” game… that hurts me more than I would like to admit to.

But I’ll get over that, and I really want to move on. All the stuff from our wedding (pictures, presents, honeymoon souvenirs etc.) that you insisted you wanted to have… I suggest you let it go, don’t dwell on that past and build on your present and future with your current wife. Once I feel better I’ll get rid of those. As for the other personal belongings of yours you never collected, like I explained, I live in a very tiny home now without storage space, so as soon as I can afford to (which may be several months yet), I will have them delivered to your parents’ address.

Apart from that, I think it’s best we no longer stay in touch from now on. I thought we divorced as friends and would have liked to have remained friends, but it’s obviously not working if you feel the need to lie to me and others about it.

I sincerely wish you a happy life.


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1 Comment

  1. Iva Tanacković

     /  November 9, 2011

    I’m still speechless…and whatever I say would be libelous, so I’d better shut up. You’ll get what I mean, anyway.



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